Emotions are one thing, coping with everyday life is something different. Both were important to Alejo, Manuel, and Víctor when they got engaged to each other in the first marriage between three men in Colombia.
Alejo has cooked today. He puts the pots with rice, beans, and salad on the counter of the eat-in kitchen. Manuel and Victor kiss him to say hello, pile their plates with lunch, and sit down at the table. Manuel adds an Arepa while Alejo and Victor pick up juice. They talk about Alejo’s and Victor’s theatre project: How they can motivate parents from their neighbourhood to make their children participate. Manuel, the eldest of the trio, gives advice. They are laughing, discussing, planning. Once they’ve finished eating, they go to the sink one after another and each washes his own plate and fork. This one shared meal everyday is sacred to them. They enjoy their time together, they support each other in their projects. But under no circumstances do they pin each other down to specific roles. Not even to being everyone’s dishwasher.
They share a house, a table, and a bed: Manuel Bermudez, Alejandro Rodriguez, and Victor Hugo Prada have been a ‘throuple’ for years. In 2017, the three legalized their union with each other. It was one of the first three-way marriages worldwide and the first in Colombia, a conservative country where gays have been persecuted and killed for years.
How do the three men live together and love each other as part of their daily routine? How do they cope with jealousy? Is polyamory the solution to infidelity and an alternative to separation? We shared their lives for almost a week to find out.
FYI: The ‘throuple’ was supposed to be a foursome. When they decided to get married, they were living in a foursome with Alex Esnéider Zabala. But Alex died of stomach cancer four years ago. Manuel and Alejandro were the first gays to get married in Colombia (they married several times—each time the law got liberalize) and were pioneers in many ways. Their story elucidates well the gay movement in a homophobic Catholic country—and showcases the contradictory reactions.
A collaboration project with Katharina Wojczenko.