Reportage Three man in love Medellín, Colombia - 2018

Emotions are one thing, coping with everyday life is something different. Both were important to Alejo, Manuel, and Víctor when they got engaged to each other in the first marriage between three men in Colombia.

Alejo has cooked today. He puts the pots with rice, beans, and salad on the counter of the eat-in kitchen. Manuel and Victor kiss him to say hello, pile their plates with lunch, and sit down at the table. Manuel adds an Arepa while Alejo and Victor pick up juice. They talk about Alejo’s and Victor’s theatre project: How they can motivate parents from their neighbourhood to make their children participate. Manuel, the eldest of the trio, gives advice. They are laughing, discussing, planning. Once they’ve finished eating, they go to the sink one after another and each washes his own plate and fork. This one shared meal everyday is sacred to them. They enjoy their time together, they support each other in their projects. But under no circumstances do they pin each other down to specific roles. Not even to being everyone’s dishwasher.

They share a house, a table, and a bed: Manuel Bermudez, Alejandro Rodriguez, and Victor Hugo Prada have been a ‘throuple’ for years. In 2017, the three legalized their union with each other. It was one of the first three-way marriages worldwide and the first in Colombia, a conservative country where gays have been persecuted and killed for years.

How do the three men live together and love each other as part of their daily routine? How do they cope with jealousy? Is polyamory the solution to infidelity and an alternative to separation? We shared their lives for almost a week to find out.

FYI: The ‘throuple’ was supposed to be a foursome. When they decided to get married, they were living in a foursome with Alex Esnéider Zabala. But Alex died of stomach cancer four years ago. Manuel and Alejandro were the first gays to get married in Colombia (they married several times—each time the law got liberalize) and were pioneers in many ways. Their story elucidates well the gay movement in a homophobic Catholic country—and showcases the contradictory reactions.

A collaboration project with Katharina Wojczenko.

Three colourful fishes live with Alejandro Rodríguez, Victor Hugo Prada, and Manuel Bermúdez in their living room. The three men have shared their lives and family since 2014.
Three colourful fishes live with Alejandro Rodríguez, Victor Hugo Prada, and Manuel Bermúdez in their living room. The three men have shared their lives and family since 2014.
Alejandro Rodríguez, Victor Hugo Prada, and Manuel Bermúdez (from left) share bed and life: they got married in 2017.
Alejandro Rodríguez, Victor Hugo Prada, and Manuel Bermúdez (from left) share bed and life: they got married in 2017.
Alejandro used to teach dance and aerobics. Now he works as a freelance dancer. Aerobics is pure relaxation for him.
Alejandro used to teach dance and aerobics. Now he works as a freelance dancer. Aerobics is pure relaxation for him.
Their neighbour, Amparo Osorio Rubiano, is very religious and has health problems. Victor and Manuel come by almost every day to play ‘Parqués’ with her. Osorio is fond of all three of them. During the game, she ignores Manuel’s curses and frivolous allusions, and is happy with their company.
Their neighbour, Amparo Osorio Rubiano, is very religious and has health problems. Victor and Manuel come by almost every day to play ‘Parqués’ with her. Osorio is fond of all three of them. During the game, she ignores Manuel’s curses and frivolous allusions, and is happy with their company.
Every night Victor and Manuel take a walk in the neighbourhood, talking about everything that is on their minds. Victor appreciates Manuel’s advice.
Every night Victor and Manuel take a walk in the neighbourhood, talking about everything that is on their minds. Victor appreciates Manuel’s advice.
‘Just ask for Manuel and his husbands’: Everyone in the neighbourhood knows the trio. They sit on the balcony of the bedroom and listen to Alejo playing guitar.
‘Just ask for Manuel and his husbands’: Everyone in the neighbourhood knows the trio. They sit on the balcony of the bedroom and listen to Alejo playing guitar.
The three men are horrified by any fixed distribution of roles. In everyday life, it results from routine: Manuel hates cooking, Alejo loves it. Everybody comes and goes as he likes and just washes his own dishes.
The three men are horrified by any fixed distribution of roles. In everyday life, it results from routine: Manuel hates cooking, Alejo loves it. Everybody comes and goes as he likes and just washes his own dishes.
Alejo prefers to work in bed. Manuel is a freelance journalist and university lecturer, Victor and Alejandro organize theatre and dance projects with children, teenagers, and adults from the neighbourhood.
Alejo prefers to work in bed. Manuel is a freelance journalist and university lecturer, Victor and Alejandro organize theatre and dance projects with children, teenagers, and adults from the neighbourhood.
Two kisses as greetings for each of them: Jealousy no longer exists in their relationship, they say. But the beginning of their relationship was difficult. Alejandro, in particular, suffered greatly from the fear of loss. All trio are allowed to have sex with other people and bring other men home. As long as they don’t forget who their family is.
Two kisses as greetings for each of them: Jealousy no longer exists in their relationship, they say. But the beginning of their relationship was difficult. Alejandro, in particular, suffered greatly from the fear of loss. All trio are allowed to have sex with other people and bring other men home. As long as they don’t forget who their family is.
For strong cohesion, it is particularly important to Manuel to share at least one meal every day—no matter how stressful the day is.
For strong cohesion, it is particularly important to Manuel to share at least one meal every day—no matter how stressful the day is.
Dancing means the world to Victor. He is member of a Colombian folklore group that rehearses traditional dances from the highlands.
Dancing means the world to Victor. He is member of a Colombian folklore group that rehearses traditional dances from the highlands.
Victor sings along: He is by far the youngest in the throuple, and fills their house with vibrancy. ‘I claim attention,’ he says. At the same time, he needs a lot of affection.
Victor sings along: He is by far the youngest in the throuple, and fills their house with vibrancy. ‘I claim attention,’ he says. At the same time, he needs a lot of affection.
While Alejandro and Victor like to cook, Manuel is the craftsman in the house. Along with Alejandro, he renovates the guest bathroom on the ground floor. Victor and Alejandro plan to open a small theatre for the neighbours there.
While Alejandro and Victor like to cook, Manuel is the craftsman in the house. Along with Alejandro, he renovates the guest bathroom on the ground floor. Victor and Alejandro plan to open a small theatre for the neighbours there.
The plants always remind Manuel of Alex Esnéider, the fourth lover in their relationship, who died of cancer four years ago. Alex had loved and fostered them.
The plants always remind Manuel of Alex Esnéider, the fourth lover in their relationship, who died of cancer four years ago. Alex had loved and fostered them.
On the way home: Manuel picks up Alejandro from aerobics training.
On the way home: Manuel picks up Alejandro from aerobics training.
Walk-in closet, walk-in house: There’s exactly one door in the whole house—in the guest bathroom.
Walk-in closet, walk-in house: There’s exactly one door in the whole house—in the guest bathroom.
At the end of the, day everyone meets on the double-bed. Victor always sleeps in the middle.
At the end of the, day everyone meets on the double-bed. Victor always sleeps in the middle.

This is the end, my friend ...

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